Written by Flaminroids
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Sunday, 13 July 2008

image for Transit system seeks new image
Riding the bus, totally lame

In an effort to raise public transit use in response to rising gas prices and global warming concern, the U.S. department of transportation is looking to the public for ideas on changing the image given to those who use it.

So far it has been seen as "not cool" to ride the bus and riders have been called "losers" and denied sex, forcing inter-transit system breeding. Which by the way is responsible for 11 new types of mental retardations.

In the 80's an attempt was made with Frankie Smiths hit "double dutch bus", but the effort proved ineffective on account of the song totally sucking ass.

More recently the Utah Transit Authority (UTA) hired actor and comedian Andy Dick to star in several 30 second commercials. UTA was unaware of what a creepy pervert Mr.Dick was and ended up reinforcing the stereotype of people who ride buses.

Top transit officials are stumped as to why people wouldn't ride the bus more often. With average fare nationwide averaging $2 its less than half the price of a gallon of gasoline. Department of transportation director Ray Evans is left with his thumb up his ass.

"I ride the bus everyday and I don't see whats wrong with a toothless bag lady falling asleep in your lap or getting groped by elderly men. Live a little, shit. Oh well we get paid anyways fuck it."

So far public transit rider numbers have slipped somewhere between rollerbladers and hitchhikers. Both of which aren't cool by any means but apparently better than being seen at a bus stop.

Seattle had a successful run with having coffee stands at bus stops. However in cities like Atlanta, with a black majority population, ATL niggas won't be caught dead drinking dat shit.

Any suggestions are welcome so feel free to call the U.S. department of transportation.


(Disclaimer: UTA really did put Andy Dick in their commercials. Look it up.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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