Written by R-Mania
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

image for Hillary Vows To Stay In Democratic Race Until Death
Clinton assured supporters she will not give up on the fight she has already lost.

WASHINGTON -- After clinching the Democratic presidential nomination yesterday, Barack Obama would now like to turn his attention to the general election contest with Republican opponent John McCain. But that may not be so easy. Hillary Rodham Clinton refuses to accept defeat in the Democratic race even though it is not mathematically possible for her to win a simple majority of the delegates at this point.

Sen. Clinton articulated her reasons for staying in the race during an interview on Good Morning America earlier today. "This race is not over. If I recall correctly, it's still June, the month Bobby Kennedy was-- I mean, you know, in the Democratic race 40 years ago... it was, uh, I mean, it was still really close and, um, you know, until something bad happened. Or something."

Last night was the final night of the primary season; Clinton won South Dakota while Obama took Montana and enough superdelegates to push him over the edge. Clinton initially said that she would not yet make a decision about whether to drop out of the race even though it was already over. But, after sleeping on it, she decided to stay in and keep battling Obama "until the day I die." Clinton also extended an official invitation to Obama to be her running mate.

"She's in it to win it," said Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe. "Don't be surprised if you still see Mrs. Clinton delivering stump speeches in January as Mr. Obama is being sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. She is not a quitter. This campaign will never die. Fuck you."

"Yeah, fuck you," agreed former president Bill Clinton. "And fuck Jesse Jackson. I mean Osama. Or Obama. Whichever one of those jackasses is running against my wife."

Clinton scoffed at the fact that Obama claimed victory just because he won more delegates than her. "Does Senator Obama really want to continue the outdated tradition of deciding primary contests based on who won more delegates? The type of politics as usual in Washington that we have had to endure for the last 8 years under a failed administration? What happened to all his talk about change?"

"Goddamn it, I don't want to lose!," added Clinton. "This is such bullshit!"

Obama has yet to fully respond to the surprising marks out of the Clinton campaign, at the same time poetically noting that he heard some of them "while standing in the vast shadow of an old, shuttered steel factory" as he stared off into the distance. He added that he would say more later while "standing on the well-worn steps of the old capitol building, its magnificent pillars thrusting upward toward the heavens."

Analysts say Clinton's defiant persistence, though futile, will only hurt Obama's chances in November. Meanwhile, McCain swiftly began his direct assault on Obama last night to kick off the general election race. In a speech, McCain talked about what he perceives to be Obama's major weaknesses, using the word "experience" a total of 293 times.

Make R-Mania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

4 12 25 13

Go to top ^