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Wednesday, 28 May 2008

image for Bush Shocked That McClellan Is Shocked
"I just caught a fish this big. No, really."

In a statement today responding to Scott McClellan's claims that the former White House press secretary had been shocked to learn back in 2006 that President Bush had been having him fabricate tales for the American public's consumption, President Bush said that he was "shocked" that "Scott McClellan was so shocked

Monday, excerpts from McClellan's new book, "How I Fucking Lied My Ass Off For W. And Learned To Love It," were released. In one, McClellan wrote that Bush "and his advisers confused the propaganda campaign with the high level of candor and honesty so fundamentally needed to build and then sustain public support during a time of war."

Today President Bush fired back in a statement read in the West Wing by his new press secretary, the reanimated corpse of Joseph Goebbles.

"I am shocked, and a little awed, to learn that Scott McClellan was so shocked that he was being asked to lie to the American public. What else did he think a press secretary was for? If I wanted the people to know the truth, hell, I could tell 'em that myself. A press secretary's job is to lie, cheat, prevaricate, obfuscate, and generally confuse the living shit out of people. Scott should have known that when he signed on to this deal."

The statement concluded, "This isn't no Pollyanna world we live in. I mean, I ain't Jed Bartlett and Scott McClellan ain't no C.J. Craig. He's too chubby, and he don't have the legs for it. "

Frances Townsend, former Homeland Security adviser to President Bush, questioned whether McClellan was telling the truth now, saying that the former press secretary should have spoke up at the time if he had a bug up his ass about something.

"Scott never did that on any of these issues as best I can remember or as best I know, but I really don't remember much or know much of anything. I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing. As a member of Homeland Security I was required to forget anything and everything each night before I went to bed. So I am being truthful as far as I know when I say that I don't remember Scott saying shit about it back then. I don't even really remember Scott to tell you the truth. I think he was the one we always sent out for donuts when the shit was hitting the fan."

Speaking to CNN by phone, McClelland said that he stood by the accuracy of everything in his book, but he refused to give any quotes because of an agreement with his publisher that he only say anything helpful or illuminating for money.

An advance copy of the book shows that McClellan became increasingly uncomfortable when he believed he was being asked to tell untruths, or lies as some people call them, about the case of CIA agent Valerie Plame, whose identity was leaked to the media. In a chapter called "The Last Fricking Straw," McClellan states that he finally knew enough was enough when Bush kept asking him to "tell my wife, Laura, that I love her."

"I knew that wasn't true," writes McClellan, "so I really began to wonder if anything I was saying was true."

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