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Thursday, 15 May 2008

image for Black Guy Unintentionally Uses Face, Ribs To Run Into Police Officer's Nightstick, Boot
Officer Yeager says black people shouldn't be so clumsy.

NEW ORLEANS - A local black man is in serious condition here after he repeatedly ran into an officer's night stick and boot with his face and ribs late Monday night.

Trent Williams, 24, an African American, was out jogging in Gosely Park, when he hit his head on an officer's nightstick, fell to the ground and repeatedly banged his head and ribs against the officer's boot.

"I was just stretching my arm because it was cramped," said Officer Peter Yeager. "It just happened to be the arm holding my nightstick and I just happened to stretch it at the exact moment Mister William's head came by."

Yeager said that Williams fell to his back, but kept trying to get back up.

"Every time he raised his head, he hit my night stick," said Yeager. "Then, in his struggle to stand, he started striking his head and ribs against my boot. I tried to help him up, but he accidentally slammed his jaw against my fist - which I had extended in his general direction at the time."

Yeager said that when Williams finally got up, he accidentally ran into his 9mm bullet.

"He fell to the ground," said Yeager. "As he rolled on the ground in agony, he started bumping into my boot and night stick again."

Other officers who came to the scene also reported that Williams kept smashing his face against their nightsticks and boots and bumped his head on their mace containers, spraying himself repeatedly.

"It was like a Three Stooges movie," said Officer Charles Benson, who had arrived on the scene and was trying to stop Williams from running into his stun gun. "I was just using the stun gun as a pointer," said Benson. "I pointed it at Mister Williams and asked, are you okay? Mister Williams was unconscious, but his body twitched and struck the stun gun. The guy is just a klutz."

"It was a terrible thing that happened," said Yeager. "I was trying so hard to be helpful. But I guess Mister Williams is a little clumsy."

This is not the first time a clumsy black man had been hurt around Officer Yeager.

"It happened last year," Yeager said. "A black guy had jumped in front of my parked patrol car only thirty seconds before I had decided to accelerate. What are the chances of that?"

Williams was not able to comment since he accidentally put himself in a coma after bumping into the doctor, causing the Morphine IV to drip faster.

"That's too bad," said Yeager. "If he were conscious, I'm sure he could confirm everything I have to say."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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