Cheney Says Photos of Iraqi Prisoners are Fake!

5-10-04 - When asked by a reporter what he thought of the embarrassing CBS-aired photos of naked Iraqi prisoners?", Cheney huffed, "They're fake! Each of the photos has been doctored up by the Liberal Press to embarrass the Administration! Look, all you had were a few 'bad apple' G.I.'s out for fun who took a few prank photos for their drinking buddies back home, and who turned 'em over to the Liberal Press who doctored 'em up and boom! . . . instant porn-uh-graphic stuff for the Press to use to attack me, uh, er, I mean, the Administration, and the democratic-minded people of Iraq!"
Undeterred, the reporter pressed on, "But Mr. Cheney, just in are the ***videos*** of the same photos with a few rape and sodomy scenes thrown in. Do you believe that the Press is ***faking the videos***, too???
Aghast, Cheney replied, "Videos? What videos? You've got videos? Oh s..t! Who gave them to you? I promise you that we'll get to the bottom of this as soon as possible. Without my knowing anything about them, I can assure you that this is the work of a few low level isolated G.I.'s, - count 'em, seven, and that's it. Rush Limbaugh, - luv the guy! -says that it was just a 'fraternity prank.' Linda Chavez, - my favorite hot momma Latino dream lady, - says that the photos were from mixing women with men in the Armed Forces and that Clinton is to blame for them. Right on, Linda, you sexy babe!"
"But Mr. Cheney," the reporter pressed on, "One of the women guards involved says that the first time she ever heard of the Geneva Convention was **after** she was relieved of duty after the CBS photos came out, - that she had been given no training on policing captured Iraqi insurgents. Could she be correct?"
"Absolutely not," barked Cheney. "Every one of our soldiers in Iraq knows what the Geneva Convention is and how to circumven . . . I mean, follow it, to get the truth out of detainees. Listen, I've never read the Convention's rules either, don't like 'em other than to twist 'em a bit, but letting Liberal Reporters doctor up raw photos of Iraqi prisoners to make 'em porn-uh-graphic, now that's wrong and shouldn't be tolerated!"
"I see," replied the reporter, asking, "Mr. Cheney, do you think any Army officers, - anyone higher up the chain of command, is responsible for the photos and should be disciplined?"
"Well, how high up the chain are you thinking?" retorted Cheney. "Listen, there are ***jobs*** at stake here and our American economy needs to protect jobs! No matter what the evidence, no one's going to lose his job over this, er . . . except the bad apple huckster subordinates who gave the photos to Mike Wallace!"
Cheney was then led away by 14 secret service agents, but was heard to mutter hysterically, "Videos? Oh my God! There goes the Election, and my a.., too!"