LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell was fired from American Idol this morning for sexually harassing Paula Abdul. Sources close to Miss Abdul say that she is livid. Apparently, six months ago, Simon bet Paula that he'd have her "spanking daddy" in bed, within 6 months. Last Wednesday, overly competitive Simon, frustrated with his lack of progress with Paula, slipped a GBH pill into a glass of cherry Alize that she was drinking. Unknown to Simon, Paula, a recovering crack, chronic and lighter fluid addict, immediately knew but was so turned on by Simon's take charge strategy, that she drank the GBH anyway and promptly fell into his arms.
In the morning she woke up in his bed. He had made her breakfast, complete with polished shoes, steamed dress and bedside plant. Later that day while walking down Sunset Boulevard in LA, she overheard Ryan Seacrest talking with Simon on the phone. "Really, you had Buster Rhymes in there, oh shit. No kidding, George Bush, nah Fidel Castro, the sneaky bastard ..William Hung .Saddam ..Ellen Degeneres does Paula really get down like that?"
Upset, Paula reported Simon to the producers of the show, who promptly fired him. When Simon asked her why she was so upset, she said "Are you kidding, don't you know? You had all those jokers in there but forgot to call daddy!"
Writer, KungFu IceSkater denies any affiliation with the contents of this story.