Written by Chuck Terzella
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Sunday, 2 May 2004

image for Supreme Court Justice Attacked, Says 'There Oughta Be A Law'
David Souter is looking over his shoulder now

Supreme Court Justice David Souter was attacked while jogging in Washington DC, but not seriously injured. A group of men accosted the Justice, who is considered to be, along with Ruth Bader Ginsberg among the more liberal of the Supreme Judiciary. Oddly, Justice Ginsberg had also been attacked several years ago in a purse snatching incident, making being a Liberal Supreme Court Justice statistically an increasingly dangerous occupation. As of this writing there is no word on whether Clarence Thomas or Antonin Scalia are slated for attack anytime soon.

Justice Souter, contacted by phone while in his newly enrolled karate class complained that there ought to be a law against Supreme Court Justices being attacked on the streets of the Capitol. Said a shaken and angry Souter, "I was surprised to find out that attacking me is not a Capitol Offense, hell, I think even touching me ought to be a Capitol Offence and I'll tell ya, I'll be happy to hear that appeal, if you know what I mean."

When asked if he's doing anything differently since the attack Justice Souter said, "You mean aside from the Karate, Aikido, Kung Fu and pistol shooting lessons? No, not really, but I find I've been renting a lot of Charles Bronson Death Wish movies lately, not that that means anything."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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