In the wake of controversial statements made by a former minister at the church Barack Obama and his family have attended for nearly 2 decades, come accusations of several other statements that have been made by people Obama knows well. Perhaps the most damning is the revelation earlier today that former used car salesman Johnny Washington, a man who sold Barack and Michelle Obama 2 vehicles over the past decade, once referred to a difficult white customer as a "cracker" under his breath.
"This guy was trying to get me to sell him a new car for $1,000 less than we paid the manufacturer," claimed Washington. "I gave him the best deal I possibly could, and he up and says that I wasn't dealing with him, and that if he were a brother, I'd cut him a deal so I told him I'd go to the owner and see what I could do, knowing damn well that we couldn't come down any further, and I was mad about the whole brother thing, so I cursed him under my breath and called him an ignorant cracker, cuz that's how he was acting."
Obama immediately issued a press release stating that he did not condone the use of the word "cracker" or any racial epithet, and he felt it was time for all Americans to rise above name calling and racial divisiveness. He also immediately gave both vehicles he purchased from Washington away to a charity for homeless nuns and vowed never to buy another car from Washington or any dealer that has ever employed him. Critics however countered that this was simply not enough, and that Obama should immediately challenge Washington to a fistfight and burn down his home.
Later in the day however, Bobby Fletcher, a man who used to play on a softball team with Obama back in 1983 was revealed to have one time, 20 years after the last time he saw Obama, looked at a webpage for the Communist party online. Though Fletcher did not like what he saw and did not become a member of the Communist party, he did write a paragraph in response to a 'blog where he stated that one person who was a Communist who had posted something on the website did as he put it "have a point" about one small issue. Fox News immediately called Obama a Communist by association, despite Obama's quick response where he steadfastly disavowed the Communist party and Communism itself as a force of evil which he would seek to eliminate from the face of the Earth as President. Critics again countered that his response was not tough enough, and that if Obama was serious about not being a communist, then he should hop on the first plane to Russia and bitch slap Vladmir Putin.
But in what has to be the most serious blow to the Obama campaign, it was revealed that a guy who sweeps up hair in a barbershop where Obama once got his hair cut as a child has been spotted in his home wearing a sleeveless T-shirt often referred to as a "wife-beater". Obama was immediately lambasted by Rush Limbaugh, who referred to him as a craven domestic abuser by association and called for him to let Michelle kick him squarely in the nuts on live TV. Though Obama did not agree to this, he did state that he found domestic abuse to be a serious issue, and affirmed with Michelle by his side, having her agree with everything he said, that he had never even considered laying a hand on his wife or any other woman in anger.
Despite Obama's disavowals, these latest revelations have resulted in McCain taking a commanding lead in national polls which ask potential voters who they would select if the election were held today. Just one week ago before the minister's comments became public, Obama held a 2 point lead in the latest Rasmussen tracking after that scandal McCain pulled ahead by 4 points, and after today's revelations, he is now down by 8 points.
Sean Hannity could barely contain his glee and was heard to comment, "wait until they hear what his Kindergarten teacher has to say," before being reminded that Hillary Clinton tried that line of attack a few months ago.