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Thursday, 13 March 2008

image for Gordon Ramsay buys Neverland from Michael Jackson for Beckham's birthday
Beckham's birthday present from Ramsay will be the ultimate Restaurant/Celebrity Mall

Foul mouthed celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has paid Michael Jackson a reported £450,000 for the Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara, California.

It is understood that Ramsay, 46, will give this to close friend David Beckham next week as a special 50th Birthday present, and is planning a massive banquet to mark the occasion. After the banquet, Neverland will be turned into a 'Theme Park' of celebrity restaurants, featuring guest appearances from celebrity chefs including Jean Cristophe Nouvelli, Ken Hom, Prue Leith, and Chouey Macfee.

Negotiations between Jackson and Ramsay been taking place over the last three weeks, with Jackson not willing to accept less than $500,000 in used notes. However, after a kitchen inspection, Jackson agreed to drop the price further.

Ramsay said: "F**k me, eh? eh? What a pile of shit. No wonder the pixie-faced weirdo didn't even get half a million dollars for this dive. When I went into the kitchens, I found rotting cheese down the side of the fridge, and monkey jism on the walls. Clearly the chefs here haven't got a f****g clue, so I've got my work cut out."

He went on: "David Beckham is a good friend of mine. He expressed an interest in Neverland, but what people don't understand, that to run a restaurant, you need to have big balls. David has big f***ing golden ones, so I'm hoping he's got what it takes to make a success of this. With David and Victoria as the ultimate host, the mixture of celebrities and celebrity chefs will really put Santa Barbara back on the map after all its recent troubles. F**K me, eh? eh? Come on big boy. Eh?"

A clause in the contract allows Michael Jackson use of the fairground rides on Tuesdays. All animals on the ranch are to be exterminated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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