Written by Tom deSabla
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Topics: Ron Paul

Thursday, 14 February 2008

image for Ron Paul forces creation of New Party!

Ron Paul, the longshot candidate who cannot win, and who we want to pretend has dropped out, has apparently forced Dick Cheney and Karl Rove into renouncing the Republican party and openly supporting the Imperialist Party.

All the other neocons, and their associated "think" tanks like the Colonial Foundation, (formerly the Heritage Foundation) are expected to follow them hopping, skipping, and whistling happily to the new party, which will immediately get about the business of making government even bigger than it already is, and killing and jailing even more people than it already does.

By all indications, Paul and his tards started to gain traction with their repeated claims that true republics can't have troops and bases in 130 different countries - some for over 60 years - and still remain a republic and not an empire. So, they reasoned, anyone who supports such an arrangement cannot be allowed to call themselves a republican, but must openly declare their support for empire.

In a rather shocking development, the neocons and their kool-aid drinking followers have apparently deemed it safe to do just that. Cheney has reportedly said that most Americans are finally "ready" for the new party, as almost all independent thought has been eliminated, and the federal government has assumed total control over all aspects of society.

The result of all this, by all accounts, will be a fractured, buttwhipped and whimpering "conservative movement" with nothing left but a few hundred thousand disillusioned small-government types who are either too stupid to realize that the whole thing was a statist lie and a con from the very beginning, or, too far into denial to admit the worst part of the whole bloody cockup - the undeniable fact that those damn libertarians were right all along.

Barack Obama responded to the news by making this statement: "I stand for change and accountability, therefore I support a new government database where the people can track how much the government spends for these imperial troops, and a commission to make regular reports that the American people have the right to view. This will somehow make things better, and it will somehow give people a "voice in their government." (yes, Obama made "quotey fingers" when he said that)

When asked about the Obama drama, Lord Cheney said he fully supported the Obama plan, and said that it proved that the new Imperialist Party "strongly believes in bipartisanship," and can be counted on to cooperate with the democrats in governing "just like the old republicans did for so many years."

Again, as usual, no libertarians were asked to comment on this story, and, of course, Ron Paul still isn't going to win.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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