Written by Zack Matheson
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Saturday, 9 February 2008

image for Former Aide to Mitt Romney Says He Quit Presidential Race Because of Looming "Cheese-Gate" Scandal
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BOSTON, MA -- A former aide to Mitt Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts who recently dropped out of the Presidential race because he claimed "he hated to lose," says that Romney dropped out of the race for an entirely different reason.

The unnamed aide says she was days away from telling the world about Mitt Romney's "unhealthy sexual attraction to soft and/or stinky varieties of cheese" that she says "borders on the disgusting, if not completely revolting."

The former aide says to look at Romney's unusually high subsidies for cheese makers during his time as Governor of Massachusetts or the many occasions when Romney has stated that "what's good for the Smith's Country Cheese Company is good for America." The former Romney aide says she quit her job after witnessing Mitt Romney "doing something unwholesome to a large piece of Stilton with his toes" while talking about ways to "stimulate" the US economy.

"Mitt was worried about what would happen to his Presidential ambitions when world found out about his involvement in 'Cheese-Gate'," says the former aide.

Romney advisors have not returned phone calls to discuss the allegations but Romney's former political rival, Arizona Senator John McCain, said that Romney's propensity toward cheese "probably explains some of Romney's more ludicrous campaign promises" during the Republican Presidential Debates.

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