Atlanta, Georgia - Millions of reports from emergency rooms in hospitals all across the county are pouring into the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta, Georgia, that young girls between the ages of five and 15-years of age are being treated for involuntary repetitive motion disorders, consisting of rolling of the eyes, pouting and talking sarcastically. Attending physicians have linked the condition directly to Miley Cyrus of Hannah Montana fame, citing her as the primary cause of the disorder.
"Not since the 'Valley Girl' phenomena of the early 1980s has the CDC reported so many cases of such a copycat syndrome," said a spokesperson from the CDC. "But that was with teens, not tweens and tweenies, which makes this outbreak much more serious."
The medical condition first manifests itself in the almost benign of ways, says the CDC. At first, you are hardly aware of the condition, especially if you already have a teenager in the household.
"But that's where they get you," says Carol Smith, parent of both a teenager and a tween. "It sneaks up on you. I didn't catch on for a couple of months. Then I realized. 'I don't have two teenagers in the house."
Smith came to the realization just recently when she noticed an increase in the food, electrical and especially cellular phone bill.
"It's all-preventable," assures a spokesperson for the CDC. "If only they would listen to their mother's advice of 'don't make a face like that or it will stay like that.' Of course, like most young girls, not only do they choose to ignore the sound advice from their mothers, but they do the exact opposite of what they say."
That, says the CDC, has contributed to compounding the matter into near epidemic proportions.
"Knowing the psychology of a young girl's mind to instinctively rebel against her mother, can work to your advantage," says the CDC.
So they are asking mothers everywhere to use a little reverse psychology in dealing with their daughter's disorder and encourage them to continue to act and talk like Miley Cyrus.
"We're hoping this will have an immediate impact on young girls everywhere stricken with the disorder," said the CDC. "As soon as they see that their mothers are actively encouraging a particular behavior, research proves they will stop it immediately."
The CDC urges that if this fails to work and your tween or tweenie continues to display the behavior pattern of a teenager that you should seek out professional mental medical advice immediately.
"In some extreme cases," said the CDC. "We are even recommending a full frontal lobotomy. But that's a judgment call of course."