Written by Nathan Cooper
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Topics: Tax, pimp

Sunday, 5 August 2001

image for U.S. Government To Give Pimps Tax Cut
I for one am incredibly happy.

Yesterday the United States Senate voted 61-39 in favor of a tax break that would allow pimps to claim their ho's as dependants while still receiving a $1,000 tax credit per ho.

Sen. Charles Schumer (D., NY) was pleased to announce the passage of the bill he introduced in May.

"I wanted to give something back to entrepenuers of the community. Prostitutes are like family to a pimp, and in some cases may actually be family, but they are also the pimp's employees, and let's face it, only real means of making money." Schumer said.

"A lot of times, we pimps gotta send our bitches out on tricks and they come back with a bloody lip and no cash. Then I just gotta beat them up again for not bringing me my money. I got bills to pay, man. These gold teeth ain't payin' fo themselves. This tax cut allows us pimps to ease up on our women when the client refuses to pay them. Plus the government ain't all up in my shit no more." said noted New York City pimp Slick Steve.

Opponents of the bill say it will bring more pimps into the business and therefore more innocent young girls into an almost slave-like job. "If that happens, it will only increase competition and lower prices for the everyday working man who occasionally likes to drive in front of a crack house and rent a moderately priced whore for an evening of adult entertainment," said Schumer.

The International Pimping Union (IPU) rejoiced the passing of the bill in Congress. The IPU released a statement saying, "This is a significant step in the right direction for our profession. It allows our members to live at a decent standard. Everyone here in our offices has been raising the roof. We would also like to thank our especially hard working ho's who had better keep their asses working, don't think we won't slap you up."

The president is expected to pass the bill sometime next week.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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