Written by Bullshot Bill
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Tuesday, 15 January 2008

image for U.S. Conspiracy Prompts Britons to Sue
The shape which it all went

The entire population of the USA is being sued by a British couple over what their lawyer Malcolm Praktiss describes as "A blatant case of knowingly concealing factual facts and not telling true truths.".

Tourists Desmond and Molly Jones, from the expensive part of Cheapside, say they were misled firstly by a travel agent in San Francisco, but further enquiries proved to them that the US Federal Government were colluding with the State of California to perpetrate a fraud. Further further enquiries indicated that the entire US population were aware of the fraud, but maintained the pretense to swindle tourists.

Desmond, a fruit salesman, said that this was their "first bloody holiday since the kids were born, and it's all gone bloody pear-shaped. Molly is a singer in a band, and she is shattered by this, I mean really bloody shattered. Moll always loved Tony Bennett, we both wanted to see the bloody Golden Gate Bridge. We go all the way to bloody America, and what do you think happens?".

Desmond continued "We gets to San Franbloody Cisco, hops in a taxi and says 'Take us to the Golden Gate Bridge'. Well, we seem to be driving for ages when the driver points to a great big bloody bridge, but it's red. I thinks 'This bloke's having a bloody lend of me!', so I have a go at him. 'Senor this is the Golden Gate Bridge, and she has always been red.' he says." (At this point Desmond's language became somewhat vulgar). He protested strongly that he "been had", and asked the taxi driver what time the bridge opened. The driver assured him that the bridge is always open, but Desmond explained that he wanted to know when the bridge "opened", as in an opening bridge. When told that it didn't open Desmond saw red. Of course the red he saw was the enormous bridge they were crossing at the time.

Mr. Praktiss ("Call me Mal.") said the Jones's had raised the point that if a gate doesn't open it is called a fence, and if it is painted red it is called a red fence. "Therefore," said Mal, "the bridge should rightly be called the Red Fence Bridge. To call it anything else is misleading and deceptive."

The initial claim is for 600 million dollars, representing $2.00 for every American. Negotiations for settlement have begun in The Cayman Islands.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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