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Topics: Ron Paul

Sunday, 13 January 2008

image for Ron Paul Names Mary Carey as Running Mate
Mary Carey

South Carolina - On the heels of a stunning defeat in the New Hampshire primary the Paul candidacy came forward today with an even more stunning revelation. It appears that negotiations are "in the works" to enlist porn legend Mary Carey to help infuse new life in the fledgling Paul campaign.

"She has good ideas where it counts" said Paul commenting from a fund-raiser at the South Bark Dairy Queen in Gumption Fork, NC. "The broad actually has some impressive credentials."

In June 2005, Carey announced her bid for Lieutenant Governor of California as an Independent in 2006. She also attended a Republican Party fund-raiser with the president of the company that produces her porn videos and announced that she is a Republican. Given her previous political record, however, it remains to be seen whether she (or Californians) will take her candidacy seriously. She would not be the first adult actress to win public office if her future bids are successful, as Italian porn-star Cicciolina was elected to the Italian Parliament.

Many members of the press had predicted that she might do something inappropriate at the Republican fund-raising dinner or arrive in inappropriate attire as a publicity stunt; however, she dressed formally for the occasion and did nothing inappropriate. Some, including Rev. Donald Wildmon of the American Family Association, believe that her new political affiliation with the Republican Party is an organized attempt to embarrass Republicans, by showing a porn actress in the same dining hall with President Bush.

She maintained on the FOX News Channel on the afternoon of March 16, 2006 that her porno films are not a negative to her political career, and maybe are even a positive. She implied that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and former Governor Reagan were helped in their political campaigns by their film careers. She also maintained that, unlike the films in which Schwarzenegger and Reagan starred, her films are about "love".

She has also said that she hopes to run for a major party (perhaps the Republican Party) nomination to be President of the United States, which is, of course, contingent upon her reaching the age of 35 per the minimum age requirement for United States presidents.[14] The first election for which she would be eligible would be the 2016 presidential election.

Carey, who announced in December that she had lost weight, replaced her teeth and acquired new, size 36-D breasts and on August 9, 2006, on the steps of the Los Angeles County elections office to launch her 2006 gubernatorial campaign as a write-in candidate.[15]

On October 23, 2006 she announced she was dropping out of the California governor's race to be with her ailing mother, hospitalized in Florida since jumping off a four-story building the previous month.

Paul waxes sentimentally about that last passage but continues (with a trickle of vanilla down his left cheek) "We need real people with real ideas and we don't care where we get them as long as they are constitutional."

But nursing a Reeses Peanut Butter Blizzard may not be the coldest cone Paul has yet to lick.

Recent discrepancies in the general character and credibility of the aforementioned starlet may "hinder"--"not help" the Paul movement.

During the 2003 California recall election, Carey was a (somewhat tongue-in-cheek) independent candidate, placing tenth in a field of 135 candidates. She ran on a ten (later expanded to eleven) point platform, making the following (again, somewhat tongue-in-cheek) promises:

  1. Legalize same-sex marriage.
  2. Tax breast implants.
  3. Make lap-dances tax deductible.
  4. Wire the California Governor's Mansion with live web-cams.
  5. Create a "Porn for Pistols" program to reduce the number of handguns.
  6. Be a goodwill ambassador to attract business to the state.
  7. Make those drawing unemployment insurance do jury duty for their pay.
  8. Fight the attacks on the porn industry by John Ashcroft and the U.S. Department of Justice.
  9. Allow bars to stay open until 4:00 A.M.
  10. Address the AIDS epidemic.
  11. Help the overcrowded and mismanaged prison

And now we find (BREAKING NEWS!!!) that the bitch is interned at the Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab VH-1 vehicle with the likes of Jeff Conaway, Daniel Baldwin, Bridgette Nielsen, etc. etc....

But there still may be hope.

Hope is all we got.

Make Fatima Guillermo Chen's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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