Written by K.C. Bell
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Thursday, 10 January 2008

image for Hacking The New Hampshire Primary
"What meltdown?"

There were rumors about the New Hampshire voting technology before the primary, and when Hillary Clinton won after being polled twelve points behind by her own people, curious minds, without dandruff, started scratching their collective heads.

Chris Matthews' election night explanation should be preserved, framed and hung in the Election Hall of Shame for posterity. He attempted a metaphor comparing Hillary Clinton to Lawrence of Arabia surprising the Turks, whose guns were aimed toward the water, by marching to Aqaba through the back door, crossing the desert along with Anthony Quinn's army. Go figure.

Speaking across the desk to a nervous Keith Olbermann, a puffy white cloud materialized over Mr. Olbermann's head reading, "Oh, Christ! Get the cane."

Can't tell whether Hillary Clinton was Peter O'Toole or Anthony Quinn, but New Hampshire was definitely Aqaba, and Barack Obama may have been the English.

Tom Brokaw who was deep in thought, or asleep with eyes open, or trying to figure out whether Barack Obama was suppose to be Alec Guinness, Claude Rains, or the Turks, had to be kick started for a comment. On kick, he spoke eloquently for several minutes, summarizing the events, mercifully leaving out the Lawrence of Arabia (though regionally topical) metaphor. All this with Bush out of town. .

After Hillary's meltdown on Monday, pundits predicted that this was her Muskie moment, her brainwashed moment, her Macaca moment, her Dukakis in the funny tank hat moment; she was gone, dead and buried. Bill was waxing poetic about Obama being a fairytale, adding, "Give me a break." The Clinton team filled empty halls by busing in people to her rallies.

Now the very same pundits are saying, (with a straight face) her meltdown made her more human and she realigned women to her side, winning their vote. Really? People are influenced by meltdowns? You want the pilot of a 747 you're about to board having a meltdown? You want your brain surgeon about to perform surgery having a meltdown? Would you hire a dog catcher who has meltdowns?

It isn't as complex as Lawrence of Arabia, a meltdown or dog catchers. It's hacking into the Diebold voting system used in New Hampshire. And that ain't Aqaba.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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