NEWARK, NEW JERSEY - Rabbi Melvin Levine was arrested Saturday for DWPO (driving while porking out), after police observed him driving erratically down a crowded highway. A large open bag of pork rinds was found next to the driver's seat, which promoted a search of the entire car. "We found the trunk full of pork products, all from non-kosher deli's", police said. It was then that Rabbi Levine admitted to his "pork addiction". He wanted to come clean. It was clearly a cry for help. "I found myself staking out Luau's just for the pig". Later this week Rabbi Levine plans to check himself into the "Betty Frank De-Pork Clinic", outside of New York City. A spokesman for the clinic states, "Orthodox Jews have never been able to assimilate pork. A hundred pigs are not enough and one is too many".
Susan Allen-Rosario
Everett, Washington
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