Written by Chuck Terzella
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Friday, 2 April 2004

April 4,2004

White House National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice will now testify before the 9/11 Commission after yet another abrupt turn around and cave in by the Bush Administration. The Commission is interested in hearing Ms. Rice's take on why a major policy speech she was scheduled to give on September 11, 2001 on National Security failed to mention Terrorism as a threat to America. Instead, it was to tout the benefits of the Reagan Era Star Wars Missal Defense System, which is the universally accepted response to an Al Qaida airliner or car bomb attack.

"It's not that we weren't closely tracking terrorists organizations," said Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse speaking on the condition of anonymity, "we were just keeping it a secret. You know, we didn't want to show our hand and let the terrorist thugs and losers know that we were onto them. Of course we were so successful in keeping it from the terrorist thugs and losers that they were able to successfully attack us on the very day that Condoleezza Rice was scheduled to give a speech designed to convince them that we weren't paying attention to them. Pretty ironic, huh?"

The American People, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said, "You know, we were inclined to overlook one or two things, economic collapse and massive debt immediately come to mind, but when you couple that with unnecessary war and unacceptable casualties, outing CIA agents, the raping of the planet, a weakened dollar, record unemployment and terrorist attacks we start to think that perhaps the Administration's course is slightly askew. We'd still let that all slide, but when you start squeezing us on gas prices you're screwed."

President Bush, speaking on the condition that at least one person still believes anything he says said, "I promise I'll do better if you re elect me. I'll give everyone all the money they want and I'll, yeah and I'll be good, really. I'll be the bestest President this countries ever had. Laura will bake cookies and the twins will strip, uh, I mean the twins will lead a sing-a-long. Gee, it'll be great."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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