Written by Arnie the Barbarian
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Tuesday, 13 November 2007

image for Fat Birds More Brainy than Skinny Ones
Fat-Burgers; Brain food for slags?

A study published today by the Institute for Pointless Research appears to suggest that the IQ of females and their offspring are affected positively in direct proportion to increases in their body mass index, i.e the fatter they are the smarter they are.

Unsurprisingly, the study was carried out in a trailer park in New Buttfuck, Illinois, where there were a great many volunteers for the study which supplied hitherto svelte, blonde, bimbo, single mothers with all the doughnuts, burgers, sweets and chocolate bars they could eat.

Over a three year period the subjects were encouraged to stuff as much junk food as possible down their fat ignorant gobs and to do the same for their baseball-capped, arse-hanging-out and be-blinged offspring, most of whom had names like Billy-Ray-Jim-Bob or Tallulah-Lou-Supernova-Mueslibar.

Basic I.Q. Tests applied at the begining and end of the period suggested an increase in problem solving abilities and general knowledge directly equivalent to the increase in BMI. Many of the subjects who had previously been unable to open a packet of biscuits found that by the end of the study they could open and consume up to 40 packets a day and wash them down with a crate of coke, where they were previously unable to work out how to open the pop-rings on the cans.

In addition, their disgusting, criminal and chavvy little feral children, aged on average 3 years at the start of the study and 6 years at the end, graduated over the same period from simple shoplifting to the founding of international drug-running cartels, human trafficking, extortion and in one case gaining a seat in congress on the "free drugs for every one" (for one year then buy from my homeboy) ticket.

When asked if it had all been worth it, fat Blonde fuckwit Charlene-Marie-Spunkbubble de-Bucketminge said; "Ah woon't have missed it fur the whole worl'. Ah'm mo' 'telligent than befo' bein' able tuh tah mah own laces, do up mah buttons and zips an' get fucked in the ass by big africans who think fudge-packin' is a fine form of contraception. Mah son is a top flight enforcer fo' Big Billy Bastard an' mah butt is so big ah don' need no mo' furniture cushions so it savin' me moolah too, honey".

It was intended to carry out a similar study in the U.K., but a spokesman for the British Society of Empirical Researchers, Dr.Arthur.T.Thunderbox, said; "since we already have a fat ignorant dogs-arse-ugly cunt for study in the shape of Jade Goody, and she seems to be 'contradiction on two legs' to the findings in the American study, the research would be of limited value. Also Americans are notorious perverts and like it up the bum, so there".

Doctor Ronald McDonald, the director of the study, was paid $12,000,000 for his efforts and when questioned on his new yacht 'Fat Smug American Twat', replied only with the words "I'm lovin' it"...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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