Written by C.S. Massey
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Saturday, 10 November 2007

The inevitability of the King of Pop's children growing up to be complete freaks is the only thing keeping a severely depressed area man alive.

"I hate my life and really want to end it all, but I just have to stick around to see how bat-shit crazy this wacko's kids get," said the twice divorced 32-year-old man.

Mark Sterns' life took a downhill turn when his wife had an affair with his lesbian sister and soon after left him. "I didn't think anything could be worse than when my first wife left me for my best friend, but the second one leaving for another woman and that woman being my sister really tore me apart."

Stern says he was preparing to take his own life by hanging himself when he heard a story on E! News about Michael Jackson possibly moving back to the U.S. "Then it occurred to me that I was really looking forward to seeing how screwed up his kids will be, and if I died I would never have the pleasure of knowing. I mean, come on, their life has to turn out crazier than mine, right?"

Efforts were made to contact Mr. Jackson about his feelings on indirectly saving a man's life, but he could not be reached.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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