Boston, Massachusetts -- A surprising discovery into Mitt Romney's apparent flip-flop on various issues was made public despite Romney's protestations today. The shocking report revealed that the Romney campaign relies heavily on a cheap, albeit gold-plated, Magic 8 Ball purchased from a local Wal-Mart years ago.
"That's just ludicrous," a visibly perturbed Romney quipped during a campaign stop in New Hampshire. He then added, "I'm not even going to dignify such a ridiculous notion with a response beyond that."
However, our inside sources confirm that Mitt Romney does consult his very own Magic 8 Ball -- especially in matters of a potential controversial nature. "Oh sure," one high-level campaign aid said, "it's no big deal really. He's had that thing for years -- it's served him very well too, I might add."
Another source, a former maid of the Romney family, confirmed the existence of a gold-plated Romney Magic 8 Ball as well, claiming "well he pretty much keeps it in the bathroom," the source offered. "Many people read the paper in the bathroom, but Mitt tends to prefer his Magic 8 Ball instead. In fact, the day he chose to run for the Presidency, I noticed that his Magic 8 Ball was showing the message 'signs point to yes' in the window. He was very excited that day."
For many Romney supporters, the news is bound to come as quite a shock. However, as one unwavering Romney supporter put it, "hey, whatever works, right! Besides, who hasn't used a Magic 8 Ball at some point in their lives? Shoot, I married my first wife after using one of those things."
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