Written by autodidactosaurus
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Monday, 15 October 2007

image for Area Floods Take Heavy Toll on Deed-Restricted Neighborhoods
Muffy, patiently waiting her turn on the Pet Ferry

After several days of heavy rain equivalent to the average yearly rainfall, local citizens are battling with the dangers and inconveniences of standing water.

Fred Rabalais expressed it best, as he looked over his flooded yard: "What is this going to do to my property value? How am I going to water my grass? It's been more than a week since the sprinklers have run! I'm afraid I'm going to get a letter from the association soon..."

When asked his feelings on the death of his neighbor's child, who was swept away during heavy rains and washed into the sewer drain: "Well, that's a really sad story. It happened right here between the houses. I'd rather not talk about it; I'm afraid people will find out it was right here and it will decrease our property value."

Fred's wife, Velma, was similarly distraught by the damaged landscape: "I worked so hard sticking plastic flowers into the ground, and now all my hard work has been swept away by the cruelty of nature! I mean, it took me 15 minutes to do it. And now it's all gone! Cruel, cruel nature!"

Fortunately, there are some who have been able to turn a profit from all this tragedy. A group of kids in their early teens has created a pet ferry service, ferrying the local cats and dogs to the only solid ground in the neighborhood, a hill recently named "The Dumping Grounds". We spoke with Alex, age 12, who had this to say about the new entrepreneurial service: "It's like, everyone seemed so upset, and we like wanted to do something where we could make money, so we said, hey, it would make everyone happy AND we could make money if we help these people get their pets to do their thing. So we like came up with the Pet Ferry. The mosquitoes are like really bad, but we make like 50 cents for every pet we haul to the Grounds. It's getting pretty nasty up there, though. I think we're gonna need to like find another spot."

Alex's beaming father had these words to say: "We're so proud that Alex has learned the good lessons of capitalism, and that in times of people's need, he really knows how to twist the screws for his own benefit. I think he might make a wonderful politician or CEO some day! Thank the heavens for public school!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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