Written by Felix Minderbinder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 14 September 2007

image for Republicans Need Clean Break from Bush: Gingrich
Newt says forget Bush's failed policies

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- Republican presidential candidates need to make a clean break from that "crazy Zionist warmonger" President George W. Bush and the US government or they will lose the November 2008 election, veteran Republican Newt Gingrich said on Friday.

"We gotta get away from that nutcase Bush and his war to loot and grab Iraq's oil. We gotta represent real change or we will give away the 2008 election," said former House Speaker and adulterer Gingrich, who led GOP sleazebags in their takeover of the House of Representatives in 1994 and now might also run for the White House.

Gingrich cited the failed illegal and immoral Iraq war, the absurd failed federal response to Hurricane Katrina two years ago and also the failure of Bush to control illegal immigration as evidence of a need for a complete overhaul of the GOP system of governing.

"We are being led by a moron and we gotta make a clean break," Gingrich told a group of reporters over breakfast.

He added, "The only Republican candidate with any intelligence and dignity is Ron Paul, a man I deeply respect. But Romney, Giuliani, Thompson and all those freaks except Paul are following in Bush's footsteps right down the drain. So we all better follow Ron Paul instead of those idiotic AIPAC stooges."

"Only Paul has a chance of winning, and those other GOP fruitcakes don't have a snowball's chance in Hell since they resemble the monkey from Texas," he continued.

"Ron Paul and the Democrats hold a natural advantage after eight years with a murderous rich creep like Bush in the White House," he frankly stated.

Gingrich has been considering a late entry into the Republican presidential race but said "the odds are very high that I won't run, cause I'm just another one of those loony Republican brainfarts."

He added that "there is no way I could raise at least $30 million for the race cause everyone knows I'm just a nicklebagger."

On Iraq, Gingrich said that "we should get the hell out and stop meddling in other countries period. We should bring all US troops home everywhere they are stationed too. They are out there just to loot other countries and grab their oil, so lets phase out oil as soon as possible, and let's not allow that chimp oilman to keep us addicted to it," he concluded.

-Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

Make Felix Minderbinder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 2?

9 5 23 15

Go to top ^