Written by Evan Essence
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Wednesday, 15 August 2007

image for Alberto Gonzales to be Interrogated at Guantanamo Bay
The old ones are the best

Following last month's Senate resolution demanding that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales be sent to Guantanamo Bay for interrogation, George Bush (who, in the past has said he has been unable to find any way to close down the controversial interrogation facility), now says he plans to close down the facility by early next week.

This announcement follows last month's Senate resolution demanding that Alberto Gonzales be sent to Guantanamo Bay for further interrogation, after repeatedly failing to honestly answer, under oath, Senator's questions about his role in the unprecedented political firing of 8 Federal Prosecutors.

"Since Alberto Gonzales said 'I don't remember' 122 times during his Senate testimony, we feel waterboarding may be an effective way to help him remember," said Senator Chuck Schumer.

"If Alberto Gonzales says the Constitutional guarantee of Habeas Corpus doesn't exist, then it obviously doesn't exist for him either," Senator Patrick Leahy remarked.

Harvard professor of political science, Barney Hampton, noted, "although anyone reading about Mr. Gonzales in the newspaper might conclude that he must be a pretty bad guy....only if they were to log on to Youtube, and listen to his absolutely astonishing Senate testimony, they would realize that he is a total idiot, and an extreme embarrassment to the nation".

Margaret Stanley, a high school civics teacher in Schenectady New York complained, "After teaching our school children all about Paul Revere, Thomas Jefferson, and Patrick Henry...and then having them memorize the Preamble to the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights... we have a real tough time trying to explain to our students, why the Attorney General of the United States, can simply deny that the Constitution means what every student can clearly see that it says, written before them in their text books".

"There should be no doubt in anybody's mind that this man is a greater threat to our country, our Constitution, and our way of life...than any terrorist.." professor Hampton observed.

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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