Written by Chuck Terzella
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Wednesday, 3 March 2004

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Cheney: "What woman wouldn't want a piece of this?"

Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney, in a turnaround from his previous almost human position of having states handle the issue of Gay Marriage, has come out in support of President George W. Bush's call for a Constitutional Amendment banning the Civil Rights of Homosexuals and Lesbians.

"Look, it's like this," said Cheney, speaking on the condition that he's a heartless git, "President Bush, the Father of America, has issued a royal edict sating that Gays and Lesbians are second class citizens and I support him, no matter how stupid he is. But honestly, there are good reasons for me to want to ban Gay Marriage. You see, my own daughter is gay and if she could get married then I'd have to shell out money for a wedding, money I worked hard to steal...uh, earn. And you know how important money is to me. And worse, she might marry a liberal, for God's sake. Most of those weirdos are Democrats at the least and some of them are even Greens! Jesus, can you imagine? Believe me, it's better all around if my daughter, who I love dearly even if she is a sexual freak, be forever barred from creating a lifelong bond of love with someone than for me to have to eat Sunday dinner with some left wing lesbian."

President Bush, speaking on the condition that every one knows that he's a lying right wing prick said, "I just want to make clear that Dick (Dick) Cheney is going to be my running mate in the upcoming election even if he is becoming a fucking albatross around my neck. Haliburton, gay children, pressuring the CIA on WMD's, even Republicans don't like him. But at the same time this guy is my insurance policy. I mean, who's gonna shoot me when they know that they'll get Dick (Dick) Cheney in my place? I'm golden."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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