Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Thursday, 19 July 2007

image for Censured comedy writer at 'The Vegetable' caught attempting to copulate with a palm tree; officials charge attempted date rape
Comedy writer at 'The Vegetable' caught attempting to copulate with a palm tree; charged with "date rape."

Coachella Valley, California - A self-described comedy writer at 'The Vegetable' was arrested during predawn hours today in Indio, California for attempting to copulate with a palm tree in a commercial date grove. The twenty-something male was caught with his pants down, without identification, running through the palm tree date grove, screaming at the top of his lungs, "I do this in the name of comedy! See, date rape can be funny!" before being pepper sprayed and arrested by police.

It is believed the unidentified comedy writer was under the influence of alcohol at the time he was subdued and before he consummated the act, but authorities caution date eaters to wash off their fruit before serving, just to be safe.

"Evidently, he did it in a desperate attempt to remind his editor at 'The Vegetable,' who had just placed him on paid leave over a story about a Harry Potter date rape scene, that comedy is born out of tragedy, at least that is what he said to us," said the arresting officer, Deloris Concepcion.

"He took it as a challenge to take on one of society's most taboo subjects in an attempt to make it funny, somehow," said a fellow comedy writer at 'The Vegetable,' who asked not to be identified. "And without too much offense, prove his point, and I, for one, stand by himÂ…unless he's blackballed. In which case, I hardly knew the guy and always thought he was a nut job -- no pun intended."

Unfortunately, the comedy writer had just taken a Viagra in order to get in the mood and the effects, lasting for hours, did not wear off before he was transported to the county jail.

Fortunately, society has a double standard when it comes to male prison rape, and it still considers that funny without question.

With the felony date rape charge dropped, due to an overwhelming lack of evidence, trumped up for political purposes to begin with, he was cited for misdemeanor trespassing instead.

Later, he was released on his own recognizance, after the police psychiatrist cleared him of not posing a danger to either himself or others for willfully choosing to be a comedy writer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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