Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: Washington, Attacks

Friday, 20 February 2004

image for FCC Attacks Muppets
Kermit: Au Naturel in His Natural Habitat

Washington, DC -The interim head of the Federal Communications Commission, Charles Schultz III, has decided to attack the muppets. Yes, the muppets. Those furry, fuzzy and cuddly creatures that are so harmless.

"No, they are not harmless. They have a sex-craved pig and a naked frog! Have you people no eyes? Kermit is naked. Watching the Muppets is like watching pornography." He announced at a press conference today.

The FCC has come under fire lately for allowing American television to become so lascivious. After the SuperBowl fiasco, everything that appears on American television is suspect.

"Unfortunately, it is the less blatant forms of immoral expression that must come under fire. It is time that PBS stops it's exploitation of frogs and animal sex."

A spokesperson for Kermit the Frog declined formal comment. Informally, he said, "I don't understand what the big deal is. He's a puppet and has NO genitalia. How can that be indecedent! Frogs are naked in nature too. This is so ridiculous."

The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin agreed. He had this to add, "Awwww, Krikey." No one could make out the rest of the quote, however.

Anyway, Charles Schultz III says that his mission is a moral and ethical one and has nothing to do with the fact that he is related to Peanuts' creator, Charles Schultz, which had a long-time rivalry with Jim Henson and the Muppets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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