Written by TedG63
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Topics: Shopping

Sunday, 15 July 2007

image for Malls Bar Seniors Unless Accompanied By a Teen
Damn nuisance

The Mall of America in Minneapolis Minnesota has joined other malls across the country in barring Seniors unless they are accompanied by a teenager.

Acting manager of The GapAaron Hill said: "They all come in like a pack, with their walkers and wheel chairs, clogging up the aisles, holding up pedestrians, and delaying transactions as they slowly count their money or argue that they aren't getting their Senior Citizen Discount."

Tom Dylan, Mall Manager, said: "The worst are the walking groups. Hot or cold, rain or shine, they come in, never stopping to buy anything, just slowly passing the storefronts like coyotes on the prowl for food."

Dylan said that, when accompanied by teenagers Seniors are more likely to keep moving or lose their ride and have to take off their hats and beg strangers for bus money.

Teenager Paulo Parker said: "They're a real pain. Say you are here to rumble with some people, and you start to go at it in front of Orange Julius and you can't because their all clustered around and you trip on their walkers. Or you're just about to get it on with some hottie in the bathroom and their grandfather comes in and tries to run you down with his scooter."

Dylan hopes the Mall's measures will be the first step in removing all the elderly from Minneapolis. "We live close enough to the ice flow," he said, "we could just put their walkers on it and let them go."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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