Omar Osama Bin Laden, the son of the al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, has moved out of the house he shares with his English wife Jane Felix-Browne after only three months of marriage.
Bin Laden, a scrap metal dealer from Jeddah, who already has several Arabic wives, has told friends that Felix-Browne "snores like a foghorn" and has "talons for toenails". He left the home in Moulton, Cheshire on Tuesday when Felix-Browne, also known as Zaina Mohamad al-Sabah, asked him if he "wouldn't mind getting on with the ironing" whilst she "made some bombs".
Jane Felix-Browne, 51, is known in the village as a quiet, unassuming, teetotalling parish councillor, but behind this rosy facade, lurks a monster.
Already on her sixth husband - three of the others died grisly deaths - she is covered in unsightly tattoos and is famous in Egypt for 'horsebreaking'. She dresses from head-to-toe in black, is fluent in Arabic and chairs regular minuted meetings of the Cheshire Ladies al-Qaeda Sympathisers Circle.
The couple were married in Cairo on 1st April, the ceremony being marked by a volley of machine gun fire and a 21-grenade salute.
Yesterday, Mr Bin Laden headed out of Greater Manchester to be reunited with his best 'normal' wife, and was asked what his immediate plans were.
"I'm off back to see our lass in Jeddah for some bloody peace and quiet!", he said.