The Presidential candidate formerly known as Rudy McRomney announced today that he is changing his name to Rudy Romson. This change comes about because of the campaign difficulties of one of his split personalities, Senator McCain and the development of another split personality, Fred Thomson.
"The McCain personality of me has recently slashed his campaign staff, lost two top advisors and has less money than Ron Paul," explained Romson. "Besides, since that Thomson personality finally let itself be known, I figured I had to change my name." Romson also added: "The kid in me also loves the sugar side!"
Rudy Romson was quickly endorsed by the Jetson's dog Astro, who stated "Rudy Romson - Re's ry ran!" while giving a thumbs up, before hopping on a moving sidewalk.
Romson assured his supporters that there will be no significant change in his policies with the recent change in his mental triumvirate: The war in Iraq will continue, along with spending that would make Lyndon Johnson blush and continued corporate welfare.
"After all," questioned Romson, "why not? Who do you think pays for our re-elections? Myself?" When reminded that his Romney personality had recently injected his campaign with nine million dollars of its own money, without which the Romney personality would have barely exceeded Paul's financial holdings, the Giuliani personality interjected that he "had never heard such an absurd explanation of Romson's fundraising."
Ron Paul, awash in millions of dollars gathered from the Internet, " seems to be raising his donations from a source almost unheard of today - ordinary people. This of course makes him unelectable," explained Ille B. Darned, political science professor at International Consortium University of Politics (ICUP). Depending on thousands of free volunteers as opposed to huge paid staffs also works against Paul, according to Darned. "As we saw with the elections in Florida in 2000, people are not part of the electoral process."
Vice President Dick Cheney, meanwhile, released a statement today that he is not subject to election, because the Presidential election is for the Executive Branch, and the Office of Vice President is not, according to Cheney, part of that branch. He further went on to say that he would stay in office until "I am damn well ready to leave."
Romson is continuing to speak about continuing what he termed "The great successes of the George W. Bush administration." at various events around the country.
This report is made possible on a ninety-degree day by several hours in the pool.