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Friday, 13 February 2004

image for Clear Channel Communications Makes Bid For Cheerios Brand
The potential of the addition boggles the mind.

In a press release today, Clear Channel announced it has been in talks with General Mills to purchase the Cheerios brand of cereal.

"We think this is the right move for our company and we see the benefit to consumers everywhere, because the more we own, the more we can control." a Clear Channel spokesman said Friday morning.

While the media conglomerate mulls over their attempt at buying the ever popular Disney in the headlines, a more covert struggle to acquire a piece of modern America is underway.

We spoke to Cheerio's most affluent customers to get their opinion about the merger.

"What's a lurger?" asked Sarah Tate, a 7 year old native of Castlevane, Ohio.

"Claire Channel is a man?" asked a 5 year old. The commenter preferred to remain anonymous but held up three fingers on one hand and three on the other to represent that he would be "fix in four days".

"Clearly this is yet another attempt to monopolize the market," another child who turned out to be a federal anti-trust lawsuit prosecutor in children's clothes posing as a child stated. "What do you mean this won't seem like a child's words to the public? These Nike shoes were damned expensive and I was the laughing stock at the meeting this morning with the friggin' Yu-Gi-Oh cards." the child went on to say.

Evidently this article was not as easy to make funny as I expected so lets just leave it that Frosted Cheerios will now be known as "Concerteerios" and will be sold at music events around the country.

"You can get a two pack for $5 with a shot of milk and a four pack for $16 without the milk." said a new product coordinator for Clear Channel's event management department. "We expect it will be one of our bestsellers. These kids buy little blinking light-up plastic tubes for Christ's sake."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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