Written by Chuck Terzella
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 7 February 2004

Showing that once again his Administration has its finger on the pulse of America's War on Terrorism, President George W. Bush has proposed an $8.2 million dollar cut into building decontamination research on the same day that Ricin laced letters were found in the offices of Republican Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist.

"Why do you need $8.2 million dollars to figure out how to clean up a building?," asked unnamed Administration source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, " You get a couple of vacuums, some garbage bags, a broom or two and there you are...we've just saved the American taxpayer $8.2 million bucks. I don't know what the fuss is all about. Besides, in the first place $8.2 million dollars is chump change that wouldn't cover any serious research anyway. That money is better spent elsewhere, like on the Presidents initiative to send John Kerry to Mars."

The new Budget also cuts other "Non essentials," continued Waterhouse, speaking on condition of anonymity, " Stuff like Police, Firefighters, EMS, you know, First Responders, all of that isn't really necessary. I don't know what these people are all whining about...'give me gas masks, bio-hazard suits, small pox vaccines...' God, people are such babies. Don't they know that President Bush, the Father of His People, will protect his children?"

While increasing overall military spending the new budget also reduces education allowances for children of military families, as well as reductions in danger pay for frontline troops and cuts in Veterans Healthcare Benefits.

" Look," said Waterhouse, " the bottom line is we need more guns, planes, bombs and tanks. Those are the fun things. While applauding what Americas Cannon Fodder...uh, Troops have done for our country, the President knows that you can't fly around in then land a wounded soldier on the deck of an aircraft carrier to make a speech saying ‘Mission Accomplished'. That takes fighter planes and fighter planes cost money and that money has to come from somewhere and that somewhere is soldiers benefits. Look at it this way...they signed on to serve their country. Well, giving up their healthcare and children's education allowances would be a real service to their country."

Make Chuck Terzella's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 2?

3 5 12 25

Go to top ^