Written by TomFoolery
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Topics: Food

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

image for Baker Balks at Bureau's Ban
"Back Away from the Batter!"

BOSTON (Daily Bread) - Bostonian baker Betty Botter's beleaguered Beantown blues belie bleak blight brought about by blaspheming bureaucrats bent on blocking Botter's brilliant batter base.

Basis for the bureau's ban is believed to be a bargain basement batch of Botter's batter, but the batter is being banned because the butter Botter bought for the batter made the batter bitter. "Bull byproducts!" blurted Betty. "Best batter ever to bless a bowl, I betcha!"

Culinary counterparts contribute countless comparative claims. "Botter's batter is by far best, because butter bought by Betty's bound to bring better batches of bubbling batter. Believe it!" beamed Betty's baking buddy, Buddy Blake. Pastry pals patently pan plan to prevent the proven process producing premium palate pleasers.

The pastry princess professes patient persistence and promises to prevail. Praying for providence, primarily to preserve her present prominent position in public and private places, Botter's brainstorming because boredom breeds bad behavior. Recent recipe reflects radical response to restrictive requirements. "Betty believes better butter blends batter better, "and if your batter is bitter, buy my batter, it's best!"

Arguably, amateurs agree, adding admiring accolades to assuage the accompanying acrimony. "Take time to test the theory," touts Toronto travel and tourist ticketer Tommy Timmons. Feel free to feed the fire of this franchise food frenzy. Well-wishers wax wistful, waiting willy-nilly while wanton wishy-washy warmongers wage wantonly wasteful whims on wholesome workingwomen. Why, why??

Coffee connoisseurs can't comfortably consume creamy caffeine cappuccino creations. Dutiful dieticians decry the dearth of daily dairy delicacies, devoid of delicious Danishes. Hapless homemakers held hostage hope for a hiatus from heaping helpings of hamburger helper. Lords, ladies and lounge lizards lament the lack of lumpy loaves laced with lard. Tough times torment the torte trade. Journalists joyfully jockey for judicious jabs at the jubilant jurists joining the jaded jerks jihad. News nerds naturally need nothing to nurture their nasty nonsense ad nauseum.

Stretching this satirical story is strangely sickening, so somebody say STOP! Seriously!! See ya'!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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