Today: Off The Wire.. (Some Guy) Ann Coulter wants hotel heiress Paris Hilton sent to Camp Delta, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. "She's a goddamn terrorist." Coulter was reported as saying. "Terrifying the Great American People by acting like a Girly-Man on national television, crying and shouting mommy, mommy. Didn't work in Afghanistan -- or Iraq."
At this stage she became emotional, coughed up a google, and spat it in a waste bin.
"I even got a damn phone call from Bin Laden! He was using an unlisted satellite. After he said, Na, Na, Na, Pants On Fire to me, he praised Hilton for -- doing God's work stirring up hatred amongst an American population armed with semi-automatics, and with access to rocket launches. The Redcoats Are Coming .., he said."
"I'm going to call Arnie." Coulter intimated.
A spokesperson for California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, said the Governor was too busy re-making the state into a movie. "We're remaking Solvent Green as California, that will solve out energy, pollution and waste problems now and in the future. Anyone who doesn't want to be in California as a movie should leave the state now."
A spokesperson for Guantanamo said the morale of the 3000 marines, and even the terrorists, had picked up on learning Hilton might be arriving. "They had not seen a woman in 5 years." And Hilton had not seen a man in 4 hours.
Even one prisoner hanging from the ceiling by his thumbs gave a slight smile and cried in pain, "Maybe they will let me down for an hour or so now.."
When Paris heard of the proposal from her visiting sister, Saint Nick, she burst into tears. Then she gave St. Nick her platinum ATM card, told her to go down to reception and withdrawn US$900,000.00 plus postage to buy 50,000 T-shirts. The ones with "Will someone Please F*** Ann Coulter" on them.
A spokesperson said that was a limited line that sold out fast. However, with such a large order, he was willing to get the ironing board out again. Also, he knew of a lot of Mexican and Puerto Ricans that were looking for the next "Big" thing in iron on T-shirt transfers.
It still remains undetermined if Coulter will get her way.