Pentagon officials announced the latest weapon in the war on terror after fears it would be leaked soon anyway. "Re-labelification" is the process of re-labeling possible terrorist targets in the hopes of confusing the enemy enough to prevent attacks. "I'm proud to have been involved in the process of naming the process," says President Bush.
Officials have taken the old saying, "The pen is mightier than the sword," to heart. Every vulnerable facility will simply be re-labeled. Ports necessary for national security will show up on maps as retirement communities. Gates at military bases will bear signs reading, "This is not a gate." Missile silos will be labeled as garbage disposal chutes or abandoned water wells.
When asked how military personnel and others will find their way around, officials responded, "We didn't think of that . I mean I don't think we can disclose that."