Written by Chris Nelson
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Topics: Washington

Friday, 30 January 2004

image for Bush unveils new Cabinet level position: "Secretary of Pimps"
Bush and future Secretary Rock

Washington---President Bush unveiled his newest addition to the Cabinet this morning, the Secretary of Pimps.

"It is high time that this important segment of the American people is more fairly represented," Bush said prior to a Cabinet meeting today. "I think most Americans would agree: pimps have gotten a bad rap."

Bush's nominee for the new position is signer/entertainer Kid Rock. "Mr. Rock has acted in an unofficial capacity for several years with his self-appointed title ‘Pimp of the Nation'. This administration feels it is only appropriate that he be given official recognition," a top Bush aide stated. "Mr. Rock was ecstatic on being nominated," he added.

When reached for comment, Mr. Rock stated, "M----- F------- right, I'm the f------ Pimp o' the Nation, ‘bout time I got some respect from the Man," he said, "G-e-o to tha' Dubya is where it's at in 04,"
The new Cabinet position would oversee many aspects of the Bush Administration's new programs, including the Department of Prostitution, the Division of Rock, Roll, Hip, Hop and Funk, and the Bureau of Bling Bling.

The Bush Administration denied rumors that the new position was to cater to a specific part of the public in an election year. "Pimps, prostitutes, and drugs have always been important to the President," an administration official said.

When asked about Senate confirmation hearings, Mr. Bush replied he was not worried. "After all the experience most Senators have had with pimps and prostitutes, he's a shoo in."

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