Written by Cal Jennings
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Topics: Republicans, Crime, Theft

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

image for Republicans Turn to No Collar Crime
This Is the Vehicle Used In the Convienience Store Robbery

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - West Virginia - Republicans in West Virginia have turned to No-Collar crime performing acts that are usually perpetrated by men in t-shirts. An armed man robbed a gas station and drove away in his Mercedes Benz. As the man drove away, the station attendant noticed an "I Support Bush" sticker on his rear bumper.

Republicans have turned to No-collar crime siting the Democrats as the reason. "Since the Democrats have gotten into the White House, they've been getting really strict on White-Collar crime. We have to find other means to support our cocaine habits," said one Republican.

Other Republicans have cited the Democrats also. "How do they expect us to send our children to good universities like Harvard if they're cracking down on White Collar crime? It's un-American," cried one privileged woman.

Other crimes Republicans intend to involve themselves in are robbing liquor stores, selling crack on the streets, shoplifting, and mugging.

Some are even turning to begging for money at highway intersections carrying signs that say, "Need money for Harvard" and "Will Work for Diamond Tiara."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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