Written by Warren Redlich
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Thursday, 10 May 2007

image for Giuliani Supports Abortion
Rudy may be returning to New York City after this one

Rudy Giuliani today announced his support for abortion. Religious conservatives immediately pounced on Giuliani, with Jerry Falwell calling for the death penalty. RNC Chair Robert M. "Bobby-Mike" Duncan apologized publicly to Falwell, as the party has not yet included the death penalty into its by-laws. He promised to remedy this shortly.

Campaign Manager Mike DuHaime tried to put a positive spin on the matter, noting that Giuliani has a penchant for bold moves. Reporters asked why DuHaime was sitting on the hood of a Ford Mustang when making the "Bold Moves" statement, but he refused comment on that.

The announcement is hurting Giuliani, with polls showing that at least three Republican voters in New Hampshire heard about it and are reconsidering their support for the former NYC mayor. One said this may push him over to Ron Paul's camp.

Giuliani stepped back a bit from the announcement at the last minute, stating that his position had been misunderstood. "It's not that I support killing babies in particular. I support killing all kinds of people, unborn and born. C'mon, we all have someone we'd like to see get whacked." Analysts predicted this explanation would likely help with hard-core conservatives and NRA voters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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