Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Tuesday, 8 May 2007

image for Bush and Queen Elizabeth Trade Insults At Dinner
The Queen and Prince Philip

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George Bush and Queen Elizabeth traded insults before astonished guests at the White House on Monday night at a state dinner which was supposed to honor the British monarch near the end of her six-day US visit.

The unseemly display erupted when Bush asked Karl Rove, "So where is that stupid royal twat?" not realizing a nearby microphone was on. The insult had thundered throughout the dining room and was heard by the arriving Queen, as well as guests and reporters.

Queen Elizabeth immediately shouted back, "You colonial cretin! I should never have come to the USA since I knew you were a total fucking idiot!"

The guests divided into two warring British and American camps and threw buns, plates and cutlery at each other before Secret Service men and protocol officers managed to quell the melee.

The red-faced pair then toasted the shaky Anglo-American friendship.

"Our countries have managed to unite once again in order to kill Iraqis and steal their oil in an illegal and immoral war," said Bush. "We have also bombed the hell out of Afghanistan together in an imperial exercise based on the staged 9/11 event."

There were only 132 guests invited to dine with the Queen and Prince Philip at the first white tie event ever hosted by Bush and his wife Laura.

The royal couple had arrived at the White House in a black Toyota Land Cruiser wearing cockney outfits. The Queen also wore a sparkling tiara and carried a magic wand. The prince brought his own feeding bowl.

"Whether in Iraq or Afghanistan, we have managed to put the savages in their place and show the world that white's rule," said the Queen. "For British Petroleum and Exxon!"

The royal couple's tour of America included ceremonies marking the 400th anniversary of the British settlement in Jamestown, Virginia, the Kentucky Derby, and a Times Square Peep Show in New York city.

Notables in attendance at the dinner included former first lady Nancy Reagan, Donald Trump, golfer Arnold Palmer, Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Gore Vidal, Tony Blair and his wife, Kentucky Derby winning jockey Calvin Borel, and Paris Hilton wearing restraining chains. Hilton had been released from prison to attend the event.

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