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Monday, 7 May 2007

image for University to Change Mascot

Minneapolis, MN - After years of ridicule, the Golden Gophers will be no more. The University of Minnesota at Minneapolis has decided that, after decades of support and school spirit, the time has come for a change in mascots.

"We've been under some pressure for some time now to change the mascot," says Vice President and Provost Tom Sullivan. "Something about being a hole-digging rat, people just aren't able to relate."

Others feel it's more of an image problem. "You have teams like the Missouri Tigers. That's ferocious. We're the freaking Gophers. That's almost as low as the Kansas City Kangaroos," commented Eric Clark, a music student at UM&M. "I mean, even the Kangaroo can kickĀ… all we can do is dig holes and get killed off by farmers with pitchforks."

Though no official statement has been released by the University, officials plan to announce the new mascot for the coming fiscal year of 07, which begins in early August. No word yet has been made in speculation as to what the new mascot might be.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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