Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Monday, 7 May 2007

image for Statue of Liberty Walks In Protest Over LAPD Mistreatment Of Immigrants

(New York--NY) "At first, I thought it was the work of Muslim malfeasance," was the reaction of New York City Harbor Police Officer Richard Tracy as he motored by Liberty Island and saw just a torch where the Statue of Liberty used to be. But it wasn't. Lady Liberty had quit.

Written on her tablet, also left behind, was a terse note, "I'm tired of doing a job that most Americans don't want," which was followed by a very unlady like finger gesture. Police Officer Tracy was interviewed in one of the large sandal prints. "Since September 11th, we've been patrolling the harbor more than ever. So I said to my partner, 'Who could steal her?' Let's face it. She's kind of big and green. But then we saw the note. Whoa, I guess she was pissed."

"Not pissed just aching feet" was the explanation controversial civil rights attorney Ronald Kuby gave at a press conference on the renamed "Liberty Island?" Kuby is representing Liberty in a civil lawsuit seeking sixty million dollars in back pay. "When she heard about the LAPD playing piƱata with immigrants' heads during the recent march in MacArthur Park, she just had enough. She wants what's due her. She is, after all, an immigrant," said Kuby. The amount is based on the adjusted for inflation minimal wage since Liberty took the job of "official greeter" in 1886. Kuby went on to say that, "This is not about avarice. She is not seeking restitution for the unlicensed images of her on mugs, T-shirts, key-chains not even those foam novelty crowns worn by, as she puts it, 'morbidly obese Midwest tourists', whom she finds 'particularly distasteful, and they say immigrants have no class.'"

It is not known if this walkout will cross over to other immigrant icons. "The Geico Gekko, if he walks, it could hurt the economy pretty bad," said Chuck Tannert, brand analyst at The Wall Street Journal. "I don't see it happening; since as an immigrant, he's compensated pretty well. But gossip site Jossip.com reports the Gekko was appalled and recently heard him say at the New York City club Crobar, "dem fascist, Cali copper blaggards wailin' on a mostly peaceful demo makes me want to not even finish me third Fosters." Calls to the Gekko's publicist, Judith Katz, have yet to be returned.

Kuby ended the press conference with a statement from Liberty. "'I don't mind greeting your huddled masses. What I do mind is having to do it for $5.15 an hour, and for God's sake, Wisconsin, Dakotas, both North and South, loss some friggin' weight.'"

FACTOID: It's estimated that one out of every one Americans whose ancestors came to the United States is a hypocrite when it comes to immigration policy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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