Written by Cal Jennings
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Monday, 7 May 2007

image for Fox Ousts Ron Paul for Being a Real Republican
Republican Candidate Ron Paul

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York City - FOX News is trying to deny Republican Ron Paul of Texas the chance to appear in its televised debates, siting, "He looks too old to be on TV, and besides, he's a REAL Republican. The Bush Administration would NEver approve us putting HIM in the debates."

Ron Paul, who is against the war in Iraq, FOR the Constitution, and who is, for God's sake, a Vegan, is hated by the Republican elite. Paul was one of only a handful of Republicans to vote against the illegal invasion of Iraq, contending rightly that the Constitution clearly states that only Congress can declare war.

A FOX spokesperson said, "With a Republican like that as a candidate, the American public would think we were crazy. How can we allow something like that? He stands for real Republican values and doesn't even support the illegal torture of prisoners. How dare he call himself a Republican this day and age?"

President Bush just laughed at the candidate, saying, "He ain't no Republicrat. He's a real Texun. Who does he think he is?" The president then changed his tone, "We've gotta' stop these kinds of terrerists. They pose a threat to my dicktaturship. We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations like Texus hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile. I don't think we need to be subliminimable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs, either. The man supports the freedum to buy vitimuns over the counter. The drug corperashuns will never support him. Heck. I've already fixed it where ya' can't get sinus medicine over the counter. This man would be a step in the right direction... I mean the wrong direction. He ain't gotta' chance anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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