Written by kegoguinness
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Topics: Dairy Queen

Sunday, 6 May 2007

image for Area Man Continues Sit-in at Dairy Queen
Simwelt shortly before entering Dairy Queen

Beauchamp, LA--Russ Simwelt continued his sit-in at the local Dairy Queen in his adopted home-town of Beauchamp, la. Simwelt is protesting Dairy Queen's use of foreign-made "jimmies", the delicious chocolate sprinkles so popular among ice cream lovers at Dairy Queen.

"It's just not right" exhorted Simwelt, wiping Pistachio Passion frozen yogurt from his lips. "The ice cream comes from American cows, and these guys at Dairy Queen are importing the jimmies from South America!"

Simwelt started his sit-in upon seeing a Discovery Channel episode of "Funky Factories" wherein a Peruvian company was highlighted which produces, among other chocolate edibles such as body paint and llama-shaped truffles, the ubiquitous chocolate sprinkles. On the show, Dairy Queen was listed as a major customer.

"To hell with the sabor [South American Border Open Regulation] trade agreement," opined Simwelt, "I want USA jimmies on my American dairy. End of story."

Simwelt has become a fixture for the last 3 and a half days here at the Dairy Queen on L'enchante Road, with his sandwich-board sign hung around his neck declaring "Our Cows Deserve Better--Sprinkle 'Em USA Style"

"I'm going to stay here as long as it takes to make a difference in Dairy Queen policy" said Simwelt. "You gotta hit 'em where it hurts---the bottom line, "he continued, ordering his fourth Blizzard of the day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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