Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 5 May 2007

image for Paris Hilton Gets Jail Time
See you in six weeks or so...

Leading celebrity and socialite Miss Paris Hilton has been jailed for 45 days after, in the judges opinion, she refused to observe the conditions of her probation for a drink-driving conviction. Miss Hilton was found driving erratically in Long Beach.

LAPD police officers who stopped her car, said she was "as drunk as a skunk" and "had a black man's head buried deep in her groin area". They arrested her immediately and took her into custody where they were able to conduct an extensive bodily search.

In court, Miss Hilton told the judge at Los Angeles Superior Court that she was "very sorry", and hadn't realised that her driving ban had meant that she couldn't drive. She said the judge who imposed the ban in February had "winked" at her and she thought he had been "kidding".

When the decision was read out in court, Miss Hilton's mother Kathy shouted obscenities at the judge, and told him that he had only handed out such a ludicrous sentence to her daughter because of who she was.

The judge responded by saying:

"If that were the case, madam, she would be looking at a rather longer period of incarceration."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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