Written by NickFun
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Topics: Food, Dogs, Bush Beans

Sunday, 22 April 2007

image for Duke, the Bush Bean dog, put to death
The secret family recipe is no longer secret

Duke, the famous talking dog from the Bush bean commercials, was put to sleep this morning after selling the company's secret family recipe to a competitor for an undisclosed price.

"We had an agreement", said the dog's owner, Jay Bush. "I promised him stardom and all he had to do in return was not reveal the secret family recipe. He violated that agreement and I had to put him down".

In one of the Bush Bean commercials Jay stated "My buddy Duke can have a hard time keeping secrets, especially about delicious family recipes," says Jay. "He hasn't spilled the beans yet, but every dog has his price."

It would appear the price Duke paid was death. Though there are laws in the US against cruelty to animals, there is no law against "humane" or veterinary assisted killing of animals, regardless of the animals IQ. Duke was more articulate and had an IQ of over 130, surpassing the IQ of most humans. He reportedly had a vocabulary of over 6,000 words.

Duke had starred in over 20 commercials for the company and was notable for being able to speak and carry on conversations with his owner and others. He had repeatedly threatened to sell or give away the family recipe.

"This is a disgrace, He should be tried for murder" American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals spokesperson Amanda Hiller. "We shouldn't allow this Jay Bush to run around free".

"I would have simply sued Duke for Breach of Contract and extortion", Bush stated later. "But the courts told me they can't try dogs, only owners. Therefore, I had to protect the interests of the company".

Bush says he will hire a new, non-talking dog spokesperson for the bean company.

Authors note: Most people from foreign countries will not understand this piece. I don't care.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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