Written by queen mudder
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Topics: NRA

Saturday, 21 April 2007

image for NRA woos 1944 Miss America Venus Ramey
In 1944 Ramey was a goddess

Waynesburg, Kentucky - (Ass Mess): The National Riflemen's Association is seeking to recruit 82 year old Venus Ramey -who won the 1944 Miss America contest - as the NRA's latest pin-up following her spectacular tackle of suspected thieves at her Waynesburg home this week.

Balancing gingerly on her Zimmer frame walker Ramey fired a handgun to shoot out a vehicle's tyres and stop an intruder escaping after she had confronted him acting suspiciously while tresspassing on her farm.

After challenging the stranger Ramey took no chances despite his assurances of leaving immediately.

"Oh, no you won't," Ramey told the intruder as she shot the tyres of his pick-up truck with a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun she "always keeps handy in case of trouble."

Ramey told the press today that she acted on instinct:

"I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it.

"If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now."

Her gutsy performance has won her widespread admiration natiowide as well as among the NRA whose members now want to make her an honorary elder.

Ramey's wartime career took off after winning the Miss America pageant.

"All I had to do was sing, dance and perform a few comedy sketches," she told the press today. "But there was no Annie Oakley type of stuff like I had to rely on last week on the farm."

After the 1944 contest Ramey said she sold war bonds. Her contest-winning publicity shots also her adorned a B-17 that made missions over Germany in World War II.

Now those pictures as well as contemporary shots of her at home on the farm are to grace the NRA website.

"Well, why on earth not?" Ramey concluded.

The website pictures will be online next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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