Written by R U Kiddingme
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Topics: Don Imus, MSNBC

Monday, 23 April 2007

NEW YORK - It was just confirmed that the PAC group, Media Matters, had in fact orchestrated the firing of Don Imus from CBS Radio & MSNBC. Media Matters is a 501(c) political action group, the same kind of group that went after John Kerry with their Swift Boat charges during the last presidential election.

When asked to compare the Swift Boat organization with Media Matters, a Swift Boat spokesman said, "We thought we played hardball! Who knew liberals had balls that big? Got to admire them though, all we did was to go after a candidate we didn't like. We may have to take a page out of their playbook."

Asked if it wasn't a contradiction to go after Don Imus (an oft time critic of the Bush administration and the war in Iraq) since the avowed purpose of the organization is to go after conservative news organizations, particularly Fox News, a Media Matters spokesperson said, "You're kidding, right? That old fossil had to be punked. Too many people inside and outside Washington listened to him.

After all, you've got Obama moving up in the polls and Mrs. Clinton was never going to be on the show. He did call her Satan, you know.

Did you hear Mrs. Clinton's reading of that poem before an ethnic audience recently? She tried sounding black! We're still not sure why she did it. It wasn't a Mike Dukakis "wear a goofy helmet and ride in a tank" moment, but it could have been. On the positive side, at least we know she knows how to pander with the best of them!"

The documents, which were accidentally leaked, detail the program and how easy it was to make buffoons of CBS and MSNBC. Admitting that Media Matters could have given YouTube countless other clips of Don Imus defending the black community, particularly after Hurricane Katrina, the Media Matters spokesperson said, "Where was the fun in that?"

We asked Steve Capus, President of NBC News, to respond to the charges that MSNBC caved to mob mentality concerning Imus' remarks on April 4, 2007 show. Capus said, "Look, I had to stand up to Al Roker and the Reverend Al Sharpton. What, you wanted me to stand up for the First Amendment too?"

Tucker Carlson, an on air MSNBC personality, admitted that while the Imus firing may have been an act of corporate cowardice & shameless manipulation, Carlson said, "So what? Screw him! Besides he said mean things to me the last time I was on his show. Hey, did you happen to catch me on Dancing with The Stars?"

Chris Matthews, whose show follows that of Tucker Carlson on MSNBC, responded by saying, "It's true I've appeared on the Imus show many times. Did you know I was off the week this happened?"

When asked for a response concerning MSNBC's decision to can Imus, the occasionally funny and sanctimonious Keith Olbermann (a former MSNBC colleague of Imus and recent critic of his) had only one reaction. He queried, "Do you think my shtick will work on morning drive time?"

When CNN was asked why it never mentioned the fact that Media Matters is a PAC group in all of its many hours of coverage on the Imus story, a CNN spokesperson said, "Are you kidding me? Geez, the Imus ratings increased 39% in the last quarter and his show was going to beat American Morning. And they say there's no Santa Claus! You can still say Santa Claus, can't you?"

The only comment Fox News representatives had was, "See, we told you!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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