(Mt. Olympus) -- The Supremes, voting 5-4, ordered abortion on demand for women over age 11. Availability at shopping mall kiosks is guaranteed. Paypal is accepted.
In an unusual twist, the Supremes limited their ruling to Democratic women. Republican women who oppose abortion will be prohibited from having one. "Anyone who marched in protest of abortion rights shall have no abortion rights," wrote Justice Kennedy for the majority.
"Besides, you should only have a baby if you want a baby," added Justice Scalia. "Unwanted babies are a major cause of unwanted adults, I ought to know," he added with uncharacteristic emotion.
"Who put this pubic hair on my coke can," queried Justice Clarence Long Dong Thomas.
By 5-4 vote, the Justices voted again for George W Bush to have another term as President. Finally, the nation's finest legal minds voted 6-3 to break for lunch.