Written by K.C. Bell
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Saturday, 14 April 2007

image for George Bush Fights For War Czar
Only a cockeyed optimist need apply.

The Bush administration announced it was having difficulty locating an appointee for the newly established post of War Czar, a position to oversee the ever blossoming war in both Iraq and Afghanistan, and perhaps including Iran, North Korea, Syria and Nancy Pelosi.

Three generals, (saying "They don't know what the hell they're doing in the White House") as well as Hillary Clinton have refused the position; while retired CIA agents who were sent letters of inquiry, made folded paper planes out of the letters, aiming each in the direction of the White House and let fly.

Presidential candidate Barack Obama, questioned about the Czar situation - between guest appearances on American Idol and Rachel Ray's Thirty Minute cooking program - replied, "I am sadly beginning to witness a limit to both audacity and hope: one a noun suggesting courage; and the other a verb of limitless trust. However, Hillary Clinton should leap at this opportunity to enrich her inauspicious portfolio. Being a housewife to a president for eight years isn't beneficial for anyone's resume unless planning to hold a neighborhood Tupperware party."

Presently out of a job, Don Imus volunteered for the War Czar position offering to work for a dollar a year, but was immediately rejected due to his insensitive communicative skills. On the other hand, voting members of Hollywood's prestigious Academy Awards put a seal of approval on the same words Imus used by awarding an Oscar in 2005 for the song: It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp. Not exactly the poetry of Oscar Hammerstein, Ira Gershwin or Cole Porter, the lyrics included: the B, F, H, N, P and S word; and with that kind of vocabulary, don't come to papa do.

But the eighteen words about yellow cake spoken during a State of the Union address that started the war in Iraq, killing thousands of American and Iraqis, were more obscene. Not enough outrage there, and the words ain't necessarily so.

Better to forget about a War Czar, declare a victory now, bring the troops home, and hire a Word Czar. It would be delovely.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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