Written by Zander Kaufman
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Topics: Government, Alaska

Thursday, 15 January 2004

image for Alaska passes law requiring the blind to Surrender eyeballs
Just minutes after the removal process

Alaska passed a new law this week requiring all blind people, to have their eyeballs removed in order to prove they are not faking blindness in order collect payment checks from the government.

The leader in passing this law, Senator Ted Stevens
Said "it's about time we start cracking down on this, there everywhere you look anymore, and I want proof they're dam well blind"

This law will require all men and women to Surrender their eyeballs to the state within three months of their 18th birthday. However the state will not pay for eye patches and will charge a removing fee of $250.00

Stevens had more to say on this issue

"oh and no more seeing-eye-dogs, you people want a check and a dog? Well you can forget that"

All remaining seeing-eye-dogs will be sent to Iraq for the new K-9 landmine detonation unit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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